Every child, every teenager, and even many adults always live under the shadow of their parents, never being able to see the sunlight by their own curious eyes. It’s not because they don’t want to, but because their parents don’t let them. I am surrounded by people who complain about their parents all the time, now now, don’t get me wrong, I’m one of them too, but many times my complaints are justified. When others complain that “Omg they won’t buy be a PS4!”, or “OMG! My parents won’t let me go out with friends tonight!”, I laugh at either how naïve they are, or how stupid they sound.
Now I said that I complain too. Yes, I do. But mine are justified, because my parents don’t just keep me under their shadow, but they unknowingly blind me from the actual world. My parents are those strict ones who would probably die for their reputation, or what others would think about them, but they might fail to see that those things hinder their children’s opportunities. I write this blog today because today after thousands of times yet again, they failed me. Yes, I know, these are strong words, but please, hear me out and perhaps parents reading this might learn a thing or two, or off springs of strict parents might relate to my agony. I looked for the perfect time today, my mom was happy and I was feeling like this might work, so I brought up a topic for a trip out of state, a trip to my favorite destination in entire U.S.; or well one of the top ones. I asked if I could go with a friend, and my mom looked up and there on began her monologue of what people will say, what they will talk about, how they will judge her decision as a parents. I said, calmly, “Mom, I know what you mean. But it’s only for 3 days. And it’s because my college won’t permit me after this two weeks of vacation, my other friends have classes too or I would take them with me, and I LOVE that place mom. Love it to the extent that others won’t be able to spend time at those places that I dearly love except this friend”, and to that she gave me a firm stare and said, “I’ll talk to dad. And ask your friend’s mom”.
I was surprised! I kid you not! She has never said anything like that before. She did not clearly in a split second say no! Because that’s what she has always done to all of my requests. So yes to that I was surprised, she had given me a ray of hope that me being almost 23 and an engaged woman might have changed her thoughts about trips and things I wanted to do in life. I know, many of you might be utterly surprised that me being 23, and engaged to someone, still does not grant me any sort of decision-making choices in my life. Well what to say to that, welcome to a ‘Brown’ household. To that answer from her, I agreed, stayed calm with increased hope and good feeling, and went on to study in my room. I waited until right now, after dinner to ask her if she asked my dad and she said yeah-okay wait. My heartbeat jumped up high, skipping every other beat I swear! She told my dad and there it was, his appalled stare. He stared at me like how I even asked such a thing. Now to give credit to my dad, he’s the coolest and nicest man you’ll ever meet. That man is always smiling, always laughing, always making jokes with me and never is able to say no to what I ask. But that doesn’t mean that big decisions are approved by him, oh no! he just stares at me and that’s enough. Then happened the convincing and yet again like every other time my request was shot down. I walked up to my room, shut my door, and silently let the tears take over, like every other time. I wondered what I ever did wrong to be unable to live my life like I wanted? This is when I said that me complaining about them was justified.
Since I was a child, I was the perfect girl every parent wanted, I was good in school, smart and polite and behaved just like how they wanted me to. I was a goody-good to the point that at once it had cost me friendship of all my 35 classmates in 8th grade (which clearly haunts me till today), I would quietly do whatever my parents asked of me, never giving a chance to complain. My friends were just 5 girls who I never hung out with outside highschool because I was always busy with something, but then I made more friends through college and my relationship with Azim (my fiancé J). He showed me the outside world, took me out of a huge cave that I was living in, opened my eyes to what a scary world it was out there. Can you believe that? 19 years old and I had no clue to what reality for half my aged kids really was? It’s sad, not funny. And with those tears streaming down my hopeless face tonight, a line came to my mind that shook my world around. My inner self yelled to me as if talking to my parents and said, “You!! You never trusted me! A daughter so great and yet you fail to trust me when other parents out there have no clue what their kids are doing yet they let them go out and explore! Someone you could trust with your closed eyes, you choose not to trust her. You kept me in like a bird in a cage and you tied up my wings”, and then seconds later the same voice stopped, gasped, and cried, “Wait, you didn’t tie my wings up. You didn’t need to. Because you never taught me how to fly in the first place…” and the revelation of what my life has been was thrown out in the open.
So all you parents out there who can’t trust their kids, I know that many times its just worries of a parent, and I understand that completely. But to hold your child back to the point where you blind them from the realities of the world, taking away their curiousness and their true personalities, that’s not worrying my dear parent, that’s a crime. Don’t be so strict that your children are left to feel like anything they do is never good enough because no innocent child should ever feel like they must’ve done something bad to deserve such strict parents. Learn to trust your children, yes teach them what’s right and wrong, but learn to let them fly as they get older. Because if you don’t let them fly at a proper age, you will leave them handicapped for the rest of their lives, and trust me on this, it’s the worst feeling a child could ever feel.