The Girl Who Didn’t Cry.

“OMG! Yes! Yes!”, she said and cried while he put a ring on it. Great, another movie, another poster, another picture of a girl crying while getting proposed. From the title and the first sentence you can already guess, I am ENGAGED!! YES! One of the biggest days of my life happened just the past weekend when my boyfriend popped the question of if I’ll accept his proposal and marry him. Of course I said yes, it’s the moment I had been waiting for for the past 3 years.

Amazing picnic in the car, hidden camera guys and all of a sudden he popped up on the big theatre screen saying he wanted to ask me a question, and then started a series of photographs of us from the first text he sent me to the most recent pictures and our journey together these past 3 years was out on the screen for everyone to watch. It was perfect, the proposal was something I could never have imagined him doing. He sang my favorite songs himself, came out from behind the car and took my hand to take me to an amazingly decorated gazebo with lights and flowers. Passing a walkway made of lit candles, we walked to the gazebo where he asked me to dance with him, and then suddenly dropped down on one knee and proposed! I said yes and off went the fireworks in the starry night and we were surrounded by videographers, family and friends! Oh it was perfect, the perfect night ever!

Of course so many things I did such as my expressions, our dance, and so on that I would’ve done differently, but its all in a spur of the moment and so was that, and I shouldn’t dwell on things not done right, instead I should focus on how amazing the night was. BUT, something happened that now when I think about it, I wonder. As the title suggests, I didn’t cry when he proposed. You see all these woman crying with one hand over their mouths while the guy kneels and proposes. Its perhaps customary to do so it seems, and seems right too. When he asks, you’re filled with emotions and burst into your happy tears. But if you don’t, its perfectly fine! When I realized I didn’t cry, it kept bothering me. People kept mentioning how they cried, and even my fiancé (gosh I love the new title!) perhaps thought I would, ‘cause let’s face it, all women are shown crying in these kinds of situations. But THAT got me thinking, why did some part of him expect me to cry? Because even though I mentioned multiple times how beyond expectations this proposal was for even a diehard romantic like me, yet he kept feeling like he didn’t get a proper reaction from me at first and had failed in making me happy.

Why? Why should be left to explain that no, I loved it! But all the shock and surprise plus being in the spotlight caused my anxious brain to have moments of stage fright blocking my emotions to show clearly on my face. And then I caught myself saying sorry for my fiancé for not crying, to which of course his loving self said it’s okay it’s okay. The idea of myself even thinking that maybe I should apologize a little for not crying is kind of scary for myself, a self-proclaimed feminist. All those people out there who stereotype women as emotional wrecks, a gender that bursts into tears; be those of sadness or joy in every situation they can, are completely wrong and these ideas and stereotypes create a mindset in women of how to act.

We aren’t taught by our parents that, “cry when he kneels okay??”, or that put your hand on your face and be utterly surprise and act in anyway you can to put forth a gesture of how much you love him while he proposes. Me saying YES to the man of my dreams is the biggest confession of my love to him and that should be enough.

I know that it seems like a small thing, many of you might think, “okay we get it. You didn’t cry. Why’re you writing an entire essay on not crying?”, but I think its important to see the issue in this small problem. The issue is of women being told and shown through various ways of how a women should act, in any situation. By me asking myself a question “why didn’t you cry??” and subconsciously apologizing to him for not doing so is anything but small. And I write this piece to say that IT’S OKAY! It’s okay not to do certain things like how a ‘typical’ girl would do, it’s okay to not follow into all those girls’ footsteps, it’s okay to show your feeling how you want to show them, and it’s definitely okay to not crying while getting proposed!

After all, you’re saying yes and that’s all that matters when it comes to showing your true love for him! J



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